Are You Bullying Yourself?
I’ve been trying a lot of new things these days.
One of the major ones is pivoting from predominantly one-on-one and in person guidance to having more of an online presence. And the new things involve trying out (and learning) a lot of new technology.
Now, I consider myself a quick learner, but this has taken quite a bit longer than I anticipated. And while I’m loving creating the content, making slides, and designing workbooks, I’m not loving writing out scripts or managing all of the moving parts to publish my courses online.
When I first decided to try my hand at offering digital products and courses, I had big plans. I wanted to create at least 4 courses and 2 eBooks each year. But what about video editing software? What about having the right lighting? I'm not a video editor and the learning curve for the free software I downloaded was huge (not to mention frustrating) and this dampened my enthusiasm.
As I ran into challenges and stumbling blocks, my pattern in the past would be to almost immediately engage in some sort of self-criticism, such as:
- This is taking too long, what’s wrong with me?
- It’s too hard, there must be something wrong with me.
- There are so many other courses about the same thing, why would anyone want to listen to me?
Guess what? While I was stymied and frustrated, those self-criticisms didn't come up for me. So, that's great news for me because it told me I've made great progress. YIPPEE!
And you know what else? If I wasn’t trying something new, I wouldn’t even know that I made progress.
Because if I was stuck in my comfort zone, nothing I would be doing would be triggering the opportunity for that self-criticism.
And I’ve had a lifetime of self-criticism. How about you?
Why do we say things to ourselves that we’d never say to someone else? Why do we say things to ourselves that we’d never allow someone else to say to us? How often have you (or do you) tell yourself that you are not good enough, not worthy, or don’t deserve something? Or that you’re not smart enough? Or not thin enough? Or that you don’t have what it takes? Or that you can’t finish anything? Or that you’re too lazy? Or that you’re somehow unlovable?
Basically, you are bullying yourself.
I still remember an email I received from my Human Design mentor, Karen Curry Parker, and I want to quote what she said in her email:
“Bullying ISN’T just about kids being mean to each other. Sometimes bullying is about us stopping ourselves short from creating what we want in the world. And using words inside our heads that don’t reflect the magnificence and value of who we truly are.”
My “unofficial” definition of bullying is any experience that happens at the hands of another person, or at the hands of your own “inner voice”, that causes you to doubt yourself, doubt your value, doubt your lovability, doubt your power and causes you to not feel safe expressing your Authentic Self into the world.”
Her email caused me to stop and think about how I treat myself. Do I bully myself? Or am I a compassionate and understanding source of strength to myself?
When we are following our dreams and saying ‘yes’ to our possibilities, chances are we are moving out of our comfort zone and the road to our greatness involves risk. We have to step out in faith. And when we are taking those steps into uncharted territory, our bully voice is likely to be shouting in our ears.
If you want to go back to school and earn a degree, re-enter the workforce, retire, change careers, lose weight, get healthy, start a new business, relocate, or even increase self-love and self-esteem, chances are you’ll have to give up your story about how you used to be. You’ll have to give up your bully. You’ll have to give up your excuses.
Recognizing and appreciating our own greatness and brilliance seems risky and is not for the faint of heart.
But you are worth the risk. You deserve to live a life of joy and fulfillment. You deserve to be passionately alive and excited about life and all it has to offer. You deserve to dream and step into what’s possible.
One of the digital products I did manage to create this year is a Self-Worth Bundle. If you struggle with that negative internal chatter, it might be worth your while to check it out. The good news? You can pay what you want. One new idea can set you on an entirely new path to self-love and self-appreciation so you can stop that bullying.
Don't wait to be great!
Say yes to yourself by saying ‘no’ to your internal bully!
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities. It’s time to say ‘yes’ to yourself and live your aligned life.