What's Keeping You Stuck?
Many of us have a secret belief that we never share with others.
What is this secret belief? The belief that we are not good enough or not deserving of love or that something’s wrong with us. We may ‘consciously’ know it isn’t true, but sometimes (dare I say often?) we’ll get triggered and then that hidden belief ends up running the show and then we act as if it were true.
What does an “I’m not good enough” behavior look like when you get triggered? Well…..
- You don’t speak up when you’re treated badly
- You think you have to earn respect by being nice
- You feel taken for granted
- You say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’
- ‘People-pleaser’ is your middle name
- You feel guilty if other people aren’t happy
- You make sacrifices for others at your own expense
- You agree with people even when you disagree with them because you don’t want to ‘rock the boat’
Do any of the above behaviors indicate a healthy self-esteem? Not in my book. And I’ve done all of the above. Many times. My entire life. And I lost myself (my bold, brilliant, and brazen self!)
I lost my authenticity. I lost my vulnerability. I lost my courageousness. I lost my passion. I lost my purpose. I lost my dreams. I was living for others and when I bothered to tune into me, I felt destitute and bereft and disheartened. And these were feelings I surely didn’t want to face. They were more painful than the feelings I was already experiencing.
So I tolerated a lot. I didn’t set any boundaries. I couldn’t ask for what I wanted. I wasn’t standing (or even sitting) in my power. I played it safe. I didn’t pursue any of my innovative ideas. I was hiding in plain sight. I was a hot mess (but looked like I had it all together on the outside). Ultimately, I found I was braver than I thought (or maybe more desperate to be happy), practiced some self-compassion, and took those first steps.
What deep beliefs are holding you back? What beliefs are causing you to doubt and question yourself? What identity or ideas are keeping you stuck? What beliefs are creating lack and frustration in your life?
Are you willing to shed an identity that isn’t serving you? Are you willing to move out of your head and drop into your soul and reconnect with the truth of who you really are? It’s time to re-write the story of you and move out of the land of ‘not-good-enough’ and into the land of ‘I’m-amazingly-awesome.’
Start small if you need to. A great way to start small is to take some time and begin learning more about yourself.
- Start learning how to read (or feel) your feelings. Two key emotions that indicate your boundaries are being crossed are resentment and discomfort. If you feel you’re being taken advantage of, not appreciated, or even being exploited, that’s a sign you’re being pushed beyond your boundaries, and it’s time to make a plan to establish a boundary or develop a plan for saying “no.”
- Start checking in with your body (is your stomach in knots, are you sweating, is your heart racing?) and use your body to let you know what you can handle and where you need to establish a boundary.
- Start keeping a journal of your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, needs, and desires. This self-reflection will help you become more in tune with your desires and your needs.
This practice of self-discovery is one of the best ways to begin setting personal boundaries. And setting personal boundaries is a great way to establish self-esteem and proving to yourself that you are good enough, that you are worthy of love, and that there’s nothing wrong with you.
Because that’s the truth. Isn’t it time to take the first step back to yourself?
And the first step back to yourself begins with awareness. This idea is so important to me that it is the foundation of my ALIGN Process. ALIGN starts with A, and A stands for awareness. Without an understanding of where you need to shift your beliefs or what excuses need to be crushed, you may not know the next step to take on your path to wholeness - to living in alignment with who you’ve come here to be.
Where are you on the self-development pathway? And what do you need next?
Maybe you don’t know how to begin or are afraid to start. Self-reflection, establishing boundaries, or learning to love yourself can feel risky and scary. If you need some direction and are ready to shift to what’s possible and re-discover yourself, I have some courses and blogs that can help you get started.
Say yes to yourself by learning more about yourself!
Hi, I’m Janet Kingsley and for nearly two decades, I’ve been guiding women back home to themselves – to self-love, self-value, and self-respect. I offer ideas and tools to support you in making a major transformation that will help you discover what’s really valuable in life and how to live in alignment with your true essence.
Bottom Line: I help you find what’s missing so you can reclaim your own value and worth in order to live your aligned life. I’m here to remind you that you’re the one you’ve always been waiting for and help you uncover the precious gem that you are.
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