Three Little Words
Three Little Words...
I love you. I forgive you. Keep it simple. What's your wish. Can I help? Dare to dream. It's not fair.
Those last three little words will stop us every time.
How many times do we use those three little words? Maybe we don’t verbalize them, but only think them. Does that make them any less lethal?
It’s not fair I work so hard but don’t make very much money.
It’s not fair that I work harder and longer than him and he makes more than I do.
It’s not fair that the rich get richer and get all the tax breaks.
It’s not fair that my candidate didn’t win.
It’s not fair that I have to start over.
It’s not fair that I gain weight so easily and she can eat anything.
It’s not fair that I’m single and all the ‘good ones’ are taken.
It’s not fair that women make 20% less than men.
It’s not fair that I’m not appreciated.
Okay, I’ll stop now before we all feel like killing ourselves!!!
When we play the “It’s not fair” game, we are moving into victim mode and telling ourselves that we refuse to accept reality. And this keeps us stuck. And unhappy.
Let me ask you a question. When is the last time that moaning, groaning, complaining, and feeling like a victim created anything joyful, strong, or beautiful? When is the last time your ‘pity party’ mentality created something beneficial?
‘It’s not fair’ is not a powerful place to be. As my dad used to say, “The fair is in Pomona” and he was right.
I get it. Fairness is one of my big triggers. And yet I get to ask myself…
…what if life was completely fair and that everything that happens to us and through us has a direct correlation on what we believe and what we expect? Ouch! Have we listened to the opinions of others or made judgments based on what we see? Is it our envy or jealousy that causes us to point fingers at others who are successful, happy, or living the life they love and we think ‘it’s not fair?’
We all encounter challenges from time-to-time and things don’t always work out the way we anticipated. But if it’s so easy for us to feel defeated by challenges and setbacks by claiming ‘life isn’t fair’ then we’re sticking our head in the sand, not stepping into our value, and giving up on possibilities.
Not only is it hard to breathe with our head in the sand, we can’t see anything but sand. We can’t see a way out or a way up. We can’t see a solution and we can’t find our joy or our power. And we also can’t hear anything when our head is in the sand.
We are stuck. We are frozen. We are in denial. Yuck! This is not a place we want to be, right?
This past week, here’s what I heard:
- “It’s not fair that I didn’t get those concert tickets and now the only ones left are the ones I can’t afford.”
- “It’s not fair that my daughter didn’t get selected to be on the debate team. She was prepared and she did a great job.”
Sure, these events are unfortunate. They are discouraging. After all, who doesn’t want only good things to happen all the time?
The ‘it’s not fair’ game helps us stay stuck. It helps us pretend not to notice our dissatisfaction with ourselves, our lack of commitment, and our limiting beliefs. It helps us deny our power. It helps keep us from looking deep within and finding that which wants to burst forth into creation.
As far as excuses go, those three little words are great. Maybe one of the best excuses to stay stuck that I know of.
But you are better than that. I know it and you know it.
It’s time to stop comparing and start living. It’s time to have the courage to face discomfort or displeasure and make a new choice. It’s time to acknowledge and move on.
Dust yourself off, shake that sand out of your ears, and start again.
Say YES to yourself by embracing your power
Janet is a transformational coach and mentor who helps women move beyond the negative voices in their head so they can unleash their purpose, unmask their self-confidence, and uncover possibilities that they have been blind to. Bottom line: she helps them to stop settling, start soaring, and experience the magic of their dreams again.