Self-Doubt and Self-Sabotage are BFFs
Do you have days when life feels like work?
Days when you wonder if you’ll ever achieve your goals? Days when you think you shouldn’t want so much? Days when you nearly talk yourself out of wanting more? If so, you’re not alone.
Do you sometimes wonder if your self-doubt is sabotaging your dreams? Do you have a tendency to avoid looking at (or thinking about) ideas or beliefs which are uncomfortable? Do you secretly hope your insecurities will magically disappear if you ignore them long enough? If so, you’re not alone.
We all deserve to live a life which is fulfilling, joyful, expansive, prosperous, and fun! But we need to believe we do (and then act like we believe it.)
Many of us suffer from a crippling disease of feeling we aren’t worthy, we aren’t lovable, or we are flawed. Although, this is the mother of all false assumptions, we behave as if it is the absolute truth. I like to call these the MAC DADDY of false beliefs. Mine was/is that there’s something wrong with me.
You see, when we buy into these false assumptions, we find evidence to support our conclusions that we are unworthy, unlovable, flawed, or wrong. And our self-doubt gets stronger. Our self-esteem suffers. And we can’t bear for anyone to see beyond our perfectly poised façade to the ‘fatal flaw’ we believe to be true, so we hide out and play it safe.
If these ideas of self-doubt go unchecked, they can destroy your dreams, impact your relationships, result in decreased vitality, and sap your joy.
Moving beyond our MAC DADDY false beliefs and learning to trust ourselves (and even love ourselves) is not easy and effortless, which is what so many of us say we want. We want everything to be easy and effortless. We even put those words into our affirmations. (Am I right or am I right?)
It’s easy and effortless to believe the worst. It’s easy and effortless to continue to believe we are unlovable. It’s easy and effortless to put our desires on hold. It’s easy and effortless to stay silent and not speak our truth. And for many of us, that hasn’t worked out so well.
The good news is that we don't have to continue to be enslaved by our limiting beliefs or sabotaging behaviors. We can adopt new thoughts and learn new behaviors which will set us back on the path to fulfillment, joy, success, happiness, prosperity, and a renewed belief in our own possibilities – the path back to who we are…awesome, amazing, invaluable, and irreplaceable!
Here are a few suggestions to start you on this new pathway.
Begin to treat yourself well. Take some time every day (even if it just 3 – 5 minutes) to do something which makes you feel good. Spend some time in nature, listen to a favorite song, take a bath, turn off the phone, cut out pictures in a magazine for later posting on your treasure map, or remind yourself of some of your good traits.
When you value someone, you treat them well. So, when you consciously and deliberately treat yourself well, you begin to counteract old assumptions about not being worthy and self-doubt will begin to dissipate.
Begin to set some healthy boundaries. Many of us long for approval and one way we get approval is to say “yes” to every request. However, saying “yes” when we want to say “no” only serves to keep self-doubt in place. We are telling ourselves that everyone else is more important than we are. This is flawed thinking.
If setting boundaries is a new behavior, plan for it. Make a list of frequent requests and begin to script how you will nicely decline. Instead of imagining the worst (the other person will get mad), begin to imagine how good it will feel to treat yourself as if you mattered.
Begin to practice thoughts which feel good. Our self-doubt may tell us we don’t deserve to be happy so we avoid dreaming and accept the idea of settling. As humans, we all want to be happy and free; it’s part of our nature.
Making a change to move from self-doubt to self-worth takes practice. Help yourself by choosing thoughts every day which make you feel good. Write them down, speak them aloud, and think of them throughout the day. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you’ll begin to believe in yourself and believe in your dreams again.
Patterns of thoughts are just old habits. You deserve to create new habits; ones that will keep you inspired and motivated. You are worth it!
Say YES to yourself by taking steps to eliminate self-doubt and embrace self-worth!
Janet is a transformational coach who helps women move beyond the negative voices in their head so they can unleash their purpose, unmask their self-confidence, and uncover possibilities that they have been blind to. Bottom line: she helps them to stop settling, start soaring, and experience the magic of their dreams again.