The Road to Settling is Not a One-Way Street

Settling. When does it start? And why are we so eager to settle?

I remember when my daughter was in college pursuing a dream. For two summers, she was able to take advantage of an internship with the company I work for. I began to wonder, "What if she could get a permanent job here? The pay is good and the benefits are great." How quickly I was more than eager for her to begin that life of 'settling.'

When I was young, I wanted to be a psychology major and I was hungry to learn all that I could. I had dreams. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to take my fascination with human ideas, beliefs, and behaviors and use it to understand and help others. But I was guided by well-meaning people (parents, who were also masters at settling) to pursue something that could offer me a better future. Hello degree in Business Administration! wavewave

Happily, I finally found my way back to my passion and even enhanced it. I didn’t know anything about coaching 30 years ago, I only knew about being a psychologist. I didn’t know anything about universal spiritual principles 30 years ago, I only knew what I could observe. I didn’t know anything about the self-acceptance 30 years ago, I only knew I was unhappy and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

But what about those lost years?

For 30 years, I forgot my passion and I forgot my dream. I made it okay for my life to be about benefits and a regular paycheck. I justified defining myself as a wife and it was more important for my husband to be fulfilled than it was for me.  When I spoke about the “more” that I wasn’t experiencing, few people understood.

“You have a good job, you live in a nice house, and you drive a nice car. What more do you want? You’re lucky to have what you have, learn to accept it.” Those were the basic ideas I heard from everyone and I soon learned not to share my dreams.  I felt isolated and misunderstood. Eventually, I accepted my lot (well, not really), but I did feel as if there was something wrong with me and I tried to understand the reason for my unhappiness.  

However, the more I focused on learning about why I felt unfulfilled and unhappy, the more unfulfilled and unhappy I felt (Law of Attraction, anyone?). Life became an endless array of days, weeks, and years - indistinguishable and filled with discontent. Needless to say, none of this helped me accept or create a supportive, healthy, or happy marriage. Outwardly, things looked great; inwardly, my life was a mess.  

The problem?  I had become a master at “settling.” in fact, more than a master - I had my PhD in settling for less. And I wasn’t even aware of it. I came to believe this was the way life was and I started to mistrust my former dreams and goals. If (or when) I found myself entertaining some new dreams, I quickly condemned myself for being so silly and unrealistic. Those “rose-colored” glasses didn’t help me color my world more beautiful; they were simply a reminder of how foolish I was. And I was smarter than continuing to dream a fool’s dream.

cry violin [Cue the violins at my sad tale of woe] violin cry

Okay, enough about me. What about you? Where are you settling when you want to be soaring? In what areas have you allowed the voices and opinions of others to overshadow your own inner genius? Have you mistaken “comfortable” for “thriving?” How have you hidden your passion? Where did your dreams go? Have you allowed yourself to put your secret longings in the bottom drawer of your mind and embrace someone else’s desires? What are you still looking for? Do you love the person you’ve become? Are you optimistic and hopeful or are you waiting for some better future (like when you retire?)

I’m begging you; wake up to yourself.  I’ve discovered a secret – actually six secrets. Take these secrets and hold them with you always. Shout them out; sing them loudly; write them down; carry them close to your heart; and live your life, your way!

  1. Fear and doubt are never the truth
  2. You are an invaluable, irreplaceable, once-in-a-lifetime universal event
  3. It’s never too late
  4. You can overcome self-sabotage
  5. Refuse to settle
  6. You are worth it!

Rock On

Sometimes you just need some encouragement or a small course correction. Moving out of your comfort zone can be scary, but you’re not alone and you are stronger than you think. If you’re ready for a different point of view or to shift to something new, I can help. You can connect with me by scheduling your free 45-minute Say Yes to Yourself Strategy call by clicking the button below.

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