Many of us have a deep belief (not shared with others, of course) that we are not good enough or not deserving of love or that something’s wrong with us. We may ‘consciously’ know it isn’t true, but sometimes (dare I say often?) we’ll get triggered and then that hidden belief ends up running the show and then we act as if it were true.
What does an “I’m not good enough” behavior look like when you get triggered? Well…..
Do any of the above behaviors indicate a healthy self-esteem? Not in my book. And I’ve done all of the above. Many times. My entire life. And I lost myself (my bold, brilliant, and brazen self!)
I lost my authenticity. I lost my vulnerability. I lost my courageousness. I lost my passion. I lost my purpose. I lost my dreams. I was living for others and when I bothered to tune into me, I felt destitute and bereft and disheartened. And these were feelings I surely didn’t want to face. They were more painful than the feelings I was already experiencing.
So I tolerated a lot. I didn’t set any boundaries. I couldn’t ask for what I wanted. I wasn’t standing (or even sitting) in my power. I played it safe. I didn’t pursue any of my innovative ideas. I was hiding in plain sight. I was a hot mess (but looked like I had it all together on the outside). Ultimately, I found I was braver than I thought (or maybe more desperate to be happy), practiced some self-compassion, and took those first steps.
What deep beliefs are holding you back? What beliefs are causing you to doubt and question yourself? What identity or ideas are keeping you stuck? What beliefs is creating lack and frustration in your life?
Are you willing to shed an identity that isn’t serving you? Are you willing to move out of your head and drop into your soul and reconnect with the truth of who you really are? It’s time to re-write the story of you and move out of the land of ‘not-good-enough’ and into ‘I’m-amazingly-awesome.’
Start small if you need to. A great way to start small is to take some time and begin learning more about yourself.
This practice of self-discovery is one of the best ways to begin setting personal boundaries. And setting personal boundaries is a great way to establish self-esteem and proving to yourself that you are good enough, that you are worthy of love, and that there’s nothing wrong with you.
Because that’s the truth. Isn’t it time to take the first step back to yourself?
Maybe you don’t know how to begin or are afraid to start. Self-reflection, establishing boundaries, or learning to love yourself can feel risky and scary. If you need some direction and are ready to shift to what’s possible and re-discover yourself, let’s connect. You can schedule your free 45 minute Say Yes to Yourself Strategy call at: https://janetkingsleycoaching.as.me/
Say yes to yourself by learning more about yourself.
Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.