Self-Confidence and Self-Trust go Hand-in-Hand
Have you ever broken a promise or a commitment you made to YOURSELF?
Maybe you wanted to finish a course you purchased, or learn a new skill, or even spend some time on self-care. And then life kicks in. Someone needs you and you drop everything and respond to their need. Perhaps your internal mind chatter (mind monkeys) convinces you that what you’re trying to do isn’t important or it’s too hard or it’ll take too long, and then you give up on your commitment. Perhaps you’ve promised to meditate or journal or exercise daily…and you don’t (*hand raised here, for the journal and exercise part*)
Every time you break a promise or commitment you’ve made to yourself, it negatively impacts your self-trust. And that leads to a lack of confidence. You see, trust and confidence go hand-in-hand.
It isn’t enough that you always keep your promises to others. Don’t get me wrong, that’s an amazing quality. But it isn’t enough to inspire either self-trust or self-confidence. Being at everyone else’s beck and call leads to a life of servitude, and not a life being of service.
What comes first? Self-confidence or self-trust?
In my mind, self-confidence is closely-related to self-esteem and self-worth and is more of a feeling or belief we have about ourselves.
Self-trust, on the other hand, relates to how we show up in the world and what action we take. We keep our promises, we show up on time, we do what we say we’re going to do. Again, this is easy for most of us when we commit to others, but what about when we commit to ourselves? Or what about the times when fear shows up and we are stopped dead in our tracks?
For me, once I started to consistently keep those promises I made to myself (self-trust), the more confident and worthy I began to feel. And the more confident and worthy I was feeling, the more I wanted to keep those commitments to myself. But I had to start somewhere.
Here are a couple of tips to get started.
1. Ask yourself what you are really afraid of. Are you afraid to fail? Are you afraid you’ll look selfish? Are you afraid of letting other people down? Are you afraid to really understand what’s going on inside? Are you afraid you won’t like what you find?
Start with small things you may have been afraid to try in the past. Take baby steps. If you’ve never meditated, don’t set a goal of daily 20-minute meditations at 5:30 am. Start with 3-5 minutes 3 days per week. If you’ve never taken any time for self-care, don’t schedule an hour. Try for 10 – 15 minutes of ‘me’ time.
2. Stay true to yourself. We all mess up and make mistakes from time to time. Instead of beating yourself up about what didn’t work, praise yourself for taking a chance and keeping a commitment you made. Or maybe the mistake was that you listened to your mind monkeys and didn’t take any action at all. Whatever it was, take responsibility, and then ask…..
Ask yourself if you took this action (or non-action) based on listening to your own intuition or based on someone else’s idea of what you should do. Did you tune into your inner gremlins or your inner guidance? Trusting your instincts and not being swayed by what someone else thinks you should do is a cornerstone of self-trust. Listen to what your heart is telling you.
I know it can be scary to start – or even know where to start. Or how to start. I get it. Seeing yourself in a new way takes practice and you might need some help, guidance, or encouragement. If you’re ready to shift to what’s possible and re-discover yourself or your dreams, I can help.
Say yes to yourself by keeping a commitment you made to yourself!
Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.