"When the first big paycheck with 'Dumb And Dumber' hit, I went: 'Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?' But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe."
I’ve always felt different. Like an outsider. I didn’t want to be different or be an outsider. I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit it. I wanted to feel ‘normal.’ So I learned to fake being normal. I was sort of like a shape-shifter and I’d shape myself into what I thought was required or acceptable.
Along the way I got to sample a variety of experiences and values and ideas and groups. But I wasn’t able to identify the one experience or value or idea or group that fit. Of course, this made me shape-shift even more.
I decorated and re-decorated my ‘good box’ (you know, that ‘box’ that would allow me to fit in and be accepted, valued, and loved). And I never got it decorated quite right.
I was absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me. I had a longing to go deeper that scared people away. In fact, my own depth scared me away from myself as well.
But here’s what happened from my shape-shifting encounters:
I became a spiritual hodgepodge. I’m a whole lot metaphysical and a touch Buddhist, Jewish, and Native American spirituality. Mystics in all forms thrill and enchant me, like Rumi and Hafiz. I’ve dabbled with channeling my guides and embracing my healing powers (okay, still working on that one). I advocate meditation but say it’s okay any time of day, not just in the morning (imagine that).
Joyless, strict, and boring spirituality is not for me.
Fast forward and I find myself a rebel. With a cause.
Rebel. I resent labels and rules and defining myself (or anything really) by what others say it should be. I like to play devil’s advocate, even if I don’t agree with what I’m advocating. I want to think for myself and not be told what to think (and I want that for you too, by the way). I love sarcasm and kindness. I don’t run away from sadness (yours or mine) and have found joy and comfort in sadness. I love my rose-colored glasses and I believe that anger is a spiritual and powerful creative emotion.
I’m a mixture of darkness and light. I'm a combination of sharp and edgy with soft and highly sensitive thrown in. I love the idea of rebelling against playing it safe. Being fat doesn’t mean I’m lazy and I toy with wondering if every idea I ever had was even my own or if I adopted it from someone else who didn’t have a clue. And I yearn to know God and experience the Presence of the Divine in all of it because to me, it is all Divine!
With a Cause. Helping others is one of my primary purposes in life – and one of my super-powers. But I don’t mean giving you a ride to the grocery store. I mean helping you see your value; helping you love yourself; helping you think for yourself. I want to help you get riled up enough so that you will not tolerate settling. I want to help you to tap into the vastness of love, courage, commitment, beauty, boldness, and inspiration that is at the heart of you.
Even if you don’t see it. Especially if you don’t see it.
So, why am I telling you all of this? Over the last two years I’ve heard a lot about the power of story. And I’m hearing it even more now. In metaphysics, we’re told to ‘get over’ our story and not let it define us. Move on. Don’t dwell. Forgive. So, I ended up not sharing much of my history and background.
On the other hand, we’re humans and we like to connect. You can get to know me (and I can get to know you) through our story. We can find common ground. We can connect deeper (one of my joys, remember?)
And since I’ve been a shape-shifter, very few people ever really got to know me. It wasn’t safe. People would leave. Or I wouldn’t be allowed in.
And now I am rebelling against that mindset of neediness and fear.
I decided I had a couple of choices:
Um. Hello. No brainer there.
2018 is coming upon us very quickly. I hope you’ll join me for a great ride. I’m not sure what’s in store, but I’m willing to take off my ‘shape-shifting’ glasses and put on my ‘Janet’ glasses and see who (and what) shows up.
Please comment below about what ideas, beliefs, or behaviors you are going to rebel against so you can move into a bodacious and badass 2018!
Until next time,
Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on
Janet Kingsley mentors self-help junkies, who are frustrated because nothing seems to work (and it's so darn cozy in their comfort zone), so they trust their brilliance, explode into their boldness, and create their badass life.
Believing in you and your possibilities
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Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.