 If you’re anything like I was, the idea of putting myself first was about as appealing as getting a root canal. My internal mind chatter told me it was selfish. And even if I was able to do it, how would other people react? After all, I’d been saying ‘yes’ for so long, I wasn’t prepared for any negative reaction. I was firmly planted in my ‘good box’ and there wasn’t any ‘no’ button in that box!
How about you? Look back over your life and see how often you’ve been expected to drop everything for someone else, let someone else go first, or have the bigger cookie. Do you feel entitled to say no or to quarantine your ‘me-time’ whether it’s going to the gym or having a massage or an early night? You might be feeling overwhelmed by the demands of others, or even resentful that people expect you to drop everything for them. And when you consistently take a back seat to others, your self-esteem suffers....big time. Here are four good reasons why you need to put yourself first.
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"These are strange and breathless days, the dog days, when people are led to do things they are sure to be sorry for after." ~ Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting  Yes, we are in the dog days of summer! Do you know why it is called that? Well, to the ancient Greeks and Romans, the ‘dog days’ happened when Sirius, the ‘dog star’, appeared to rise just before the sun. They thought that the combination of Sirius and the Sun caused the midsummer sweltering heat. Traditionally, the ‘dog days of summer’ are the 40 days between July 3 and August 11.
Darren Hardy is a success mentor and I subscribe to his daily video and he just finished a 10-step plan to beat the ‘Dog Days of Summer.’ He tells us that productivity actually drops by 20% during these ‘dog days.’ I was thinking about how these ‘dog days of summer’ might affect us on a more personal level. Lethargy. Hopelessness. Lost. Confusion. In these ‘dog days’ it might feel like we are all alone. We might sometimes feel like Spirit (or the Universe) is missing in action. Things take longer than we anticipate and it’s harder for us to sustain our momentum, let alone our motivation. Dare I say it: it might feel like life is HARD. We doubt our dreams, we doubt our actions, and we doubt ourselves. We are ready to just say “I’M OVER IT!” It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backwards.  Last week I wrote about a common challenge it seems that most of us have when we want to move forward in the direction of our dreams. I’m paraphrasing by saying we tend to ‘bite off more than we can chew’ and then we end up having to spit out what we bit off! In other words, we may try to do everything at once. We see the big picture and we get excited and we go-go-go but eventually, our motivation wanes and we go back to our old habits. My suggestion: start small. Baby step. Repeat this one baby step over and over until it becomes a new habit, and then add the next one. You can read the entire post how-to-manifest-your-desires-part-1.htmlhere. So, even if we know the steps to manifesting our desires - visualizing, having at attitude of gratitude, meditating, journaling, increasing our vibration, being specific and clear, eliminating our mental blocks, etc. - we’re not always consistent in taking these steps, are we? We get lazy, we judge by appearances, we let other people’s ideas and opinions affect what we do, we let our negative mind chatter take a front seat. And maybe we give up only to start again. Our dreams and desires will not be silenced. Not permanently anyway. We can squash them for a bit, but deep down, we know they are there. So, we know the ‘how’ of manifesting our desires. Our trouble is in the doing. Basically, I think it comes down to creating new habits that will build our manifesting muscles.  The success we get in taking consistent baby steps helps feed our need for rewards. I know we don’t like to think we’re as simple as Pavlov’s dogs, but we probably are. Sorry. I think it is critical to focus on only one habit at a time. This can be hard. Not only are we impatient, but our baby step seems so easy. And quick. And simple. And if we can do one baby step for one habit we want to develop, why not do one baby step for a couple of habits? Seems logical, right? Wrong! When we try to change too many habits all at once, it’s sort of like multi-tasking. We don’t focus on any one thing and our results actually suffer. Maybe you try and take small steps for four different habits (learn yoga, meditate, listen to a daily inspirational video or talk, and exercise). Sure, at first you are filled with enthusiasm, but as time goes on, you are using willpower only. Something’s gotta give. Maybe one, two, or even all four new habits suffer. Trust me on this. One habit at a time. I’d start with the one that you think will give you the biggest bang. If you think that entering into gratitude more often will help raise your vibration, then start with 5 minutes a day. If you can do more, great. Maybe it is just 3 minutes a day. Are you going to write them out? Say them out loud? Just think thoughts about appreciation? Maybe you want to start or end your day with statements of gratitude. Or maybe you think visualizing is your biggest bang. Abraham-Hicks suggests that thought reaches a combustion point at 17 seconds and if you can visualize (pure thought without any contradictory thinking) then you are on the way to manifesting. Maybe try for 10 seconds and work up to 68 seconds. And – super important - make it easy on yourself by having everything you need at hand. If you are going to journal, have it by the side of your bed. If you are going to do yoga, lay out your yoga outfit the night before. If you are going to learn to play piano, make sure it is in a convenient place. If you are going to meditate, make sure your meditation CD is already loaded up. You get the picture. Richelle E. Goodrich reminds us: "Small steps may appear unimpressive, but don't be deceived. They are the means by which perspectives are subtly altered, mountains are gradually scaled, and lives are drastically changed." Changed into your bold, brilliant, badass life! About Janet
Janet is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps worn-out women who are tired of saying ‘yes’ to everyone else but themselves and feel like they are settling move from living life in neutral to living a bold, brilliant, and badass life. If you are ready to step out of fear and self-doubt (and self-sabotage) so you can reclaim your power and mojo and be the inspiring, elegant, courageous, and passionate heroine you were born to be, Janet can help you get the results you are longing for. Believing in you and your possibilities “The only straight line in Nature that I remember is  Have you ever felt stuck? Maybe you’ve read the books, poured over articles on the internet, or asked everyone you knew, “what’s next?” Maybe you know all about goal setting and affirmations, yet you find yourself repeating the same patterns or doubting you’ll ever reach your goals and dreams. Does any of that sound familiar?
Most of us want to get from Point A to Point B in a nice straight line. Forget about ‘life being a journey’ – we want to get to our destination! Yesterday! And when our journey toward living a fulfilling life is made up of twists and turns, ups and downs, and ins and outs, we feel like a failure. I used to say that I enjoy ‘living in the mystery’ but I didn’t. I wanted answers and I wanted to know what was ahead and I wanted to know what to do. Yes, I wanted the straight line approach. Many years ago I was driving near Bakersfield, California and I was trapped driving in Tule Fog. Tule fog is thick ground fog and I couldn’t see more than 12 inches in front of me, even with my headlights on. Since I could barely see, I had to move forward ever so slowly. And I had to focus only on the part of the road I could see. I was tense and scared. I didn’t know what obstacles might be only 13 inches away. When I finally moved through the fog, I breathed a huge sigh of relief that I was safe. But you know what else? I felt a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I made it! Whether you "settle" for less than you want in a relationship or in any other area of your life, the knowledge that you have compromised your heart and intuitive truth will consciously or unconsciously lead you to sabotage your own choice.  Settling for less is a form of self-sabotage!
But we may not be aware of it at the time. We think we are being polite, being a good friend, being a good spouse, or being an attentive parent. We don't want to appear selfish or self-serving so we become super-willing to abandon our own dreams in favor of supporting someone else's. And then one day we wake up and realize we've been living someone else's life. Has that ever happened to you? Boy - it sure has happened to me. In fact, I had a PhD in Settling! And I didn't even realize it. I thought I was being a supportive wife. I thought it was my job to make sure my husband felt fulfilled. I thought I was doing everything right, so... Why was I so unhappy? Why was I a malcontent? I didn’t realize that by saying ‘yes’ to everyone else I was actually diminishing my self-respect. I didn’t understand that by not paying attention to my own dreams, goals, and desires I was de-valuing myself. I didn’t realize I was betraying myself. No wonder I was unhappy and unfulfilled. And my husband wasn’t demanding that I support him and his goals and desires. He was ready and willing to pursue them whether or not I was ‘all in.’ Deep down, I think I was hoping for some reciprocation – you know, if I did what he wanted, then he’d do what I wanted. But it didn’t work out that way. I never got my turn. And I wasn’t really good at asking for my turn. When I did, it came off as needy and whiney. That’s never going to amount to a win. Here’s the rub. When we settle, even if we tell ourselves it is for a good reason, we know we are settling. We know we’ve compromised our values or our dream or our goals. And this leads to internal negativity, broken promises to ourselves, and a lack of self-trust. Next stop: self-sabotage! We need to learn to make better choices –  Motivation. What’s the magic formula? Why is it so hard to stay motivated? Have you ever asked yourself those questions? Does it seem like sometimes you are go, go, go and everything falls into place? You wake up and you are enthused and excited about all of your possibilities. And other times, maybe you begin to doubt yourself. Maybe you aren’t seeing results as rapidly as you thought. Your commitment and your motivation wavers a bit. You tell yourself it shouldn’t be this hard or take this much effort. We often waver between these two extremes, as if we are on a wavelength. All is fine and dandy when we are riding high, but when the wave is low, it’s hard to get going. This could feel like two steps forward and three steps back. "If you are working on something that you really care about, you don't We’ve all heard, “what’s your big WHY?” What’s yours? Do you even have one? I continue to talk with people that have a challenge with this. They are stuck with dreams and goals of the past, striving for what they think they ‘should’ want or trying to fit their own passion into what would mesh with the family. When things get challenging, is your ‘why’ big enough to help you overcome struggle? If not, it’s time to get busy. Let me help with a few ideas.
 I have two things upcoming soon that will help. First, I’m in the process of creating a daily planner. I’ve been using it for a while and it’s really helping me keep my big dreams in my mind, reminding me to continue to build my positive habits, and staying focused on my priorities. Of course, it will evolve with me, but I’m excited for you to try it out. Second, I’m going to be forming a Mastermind group (or two). When I look back on the times in my life that saw my greatest achievements, I had a group of people who ‘had my back.’ They were my supporters, encouragers, and cheerleaders. They held me accountable and didn’t let me get away with excuses or victim mentality. I want that again. For me and for you. I’m excited about both of these things. I’m excited about my future. I’m excited about what’s possible for me. I’m excited about my big dreams. I’m excited about making a bigger impact. I’m excited about living, and loving a life that matters. How about you? Let’s do this together. Until next time, Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on! About Janet
Janet is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients go from Overwhelm to Overjoyed, from Confusion to Clarity, and from Surviving to Thriving. Whether you want to grow your business or grow your self-esteem, Janet helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities. Janet can help you get the rapid results you are looking for.  When my daughter was in the first grade, there was an outbreak of lice. Sure enough, she brought them home with her. When we researched options and local treatment centers, there were two schools of thought: one said we needed to follow extensive home cleaning instructions and the other said we didn't need to do any of that once our daughter had been treated. One center told us we had to wash her sheets, blankets, and clothes; the other center told us that was unnecessary. Not only that, but both treatment centers cited scientific evidence to support their own particular manner of treating lice. They each had proof that was contradictory to each other. Which one was right? Or should we just go down to our local store and buy a bottle of Nix? Clearly, one had to be right and the other wrong - - right? But which one? I recently received a newsletter from Karen Curry which reminded me of our long-ago problem with lice and she’s going through the same issue. Clearly, not much has changed in 20 years. Anyway, which treatment center was right? I don't really know the answer because ultimately, we followed our intuition and everything worked out fine. So, what did I learn from lice? There are a lot of 'truths' out there and just because someone says it is based on scientific research, it doesn't mean it will be the 'truth' in my reality. Quantum physics tells us that just the act of observing something, changes it. And whatever meaning I give to that 'something' can change it toward my meaning. There are a lot of 'truths' out there and just because someone says it is based on scientific research, it doesn't mean it will be the 'truth' in my reality. Quantum physics tells us that just the act of observing something, changes it. And whatever meaning I give to that 'something' can change it toward my meaning. I need to follow my own rules. How about you? I have allowed my own inner genius to be silenced while I have followed the advice, suggestions, and rules of others. I have allowed my own Monkey Mind to keep me confused, and therefore stuck, as I tried to process the contradictory ideas I was getting from various experts. I am the expert on me. You are the expert on you. Claim your expertise! I can help you claim your authenticity and become your own authority. Click here for a Breakthrough Session. Until next time, Have fun, stay aware, and Rock On! If we are paying attention to our lives, we'll recognize those defining moments. The challenge for so many of us is that we are so deep into daily distractions and 'being busy, busy' that we miss out on those moments and opportunities that - if jumped on - would get our careers and personal lives to a whole new level of wow. ~ Robin S. Sharma  Everyone is busy. But are we busy doing things that matter? Are we busy doing things that are in pursuit of our passion and purpose or are we so over-committed that we hardly take a breath? There's an old saying that 'if you want something done, give it to a busy person.' I'm one of those busy people and I manage to meet my many commitments in my various roles of full-time employee, coach, and minister. And each of these roles carries a big 'to-do' list. And of course, I also want to have some fun, go dancing, listen to music and enjoy the Sedona sunshine. Saying 'yes' to these things means I have to say 'no' to something else! It seems that I like to say 'yes' (or maybe I'm just not very good at saying 'no.') But for every 'yes' I say, I am saying 'no' to something else. When I say 'yes' to playing Bingo on Sunday, then I'm saying 'no' to my weekly grocery shopping that I like to do on Sundays - and that means I'll have to do it some time during the week. If I say 'yes' to a movie with a friend then I'm saying 'no' to the time I wanted to spend on my business. For me, I need to become more conscious about what I am saying 'yes' to. I write frequently about saying 'yes' to our dreams. And if we do say 'yes' to our dreams, then we need to say 'no' to the demands on our time that do not move us in the right direction. Recently I said 'yes' to two more coaching programs and am thinking of enrolling in a third high-end program. So now I have to figure out what I need to say 'no' to in order to have enough time to dedicate to these programs. It's a tough decision. People depend on me. And I do need to sleep occasionally. What about you? Do you run from meeting to meeting or appointment to appointment? Are you so busy that you don't have time to prepare healthy meals and end up eating out all the time? Do you feel overworked and undervalued? Do you feel like a slave to your schedule and look forward to those moments when you can just chill out and relax? Maybe are saying 'yes' to everyone else and that means you are actually saying 'no' to yourself. It's time to reclaim your power and put yourself, your vision, your health, your family, your dreams, and your purpose FIRST. It might be challenging because it's new behavior for us. It might mean we need to set (and keep) healthy boundaries. It might mean other people react by becoming upset because we don't drop everything like we used to. Let's get clear on what we say 'yes' to and make sure we mean it! Maybe it's time for some clarity and reflection. Maybe it's time to really decide what's important and valuable in your life. Maybe I can help you with that as well. Click here for a Breakthrough Session.  Call to Action: In the next 24 - 48 hours
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours. ~ Richard Bach  Why do we argue for our limitations? Because we have a limited view and don't see the big picture. So often we act like the six blind men who wanted to know what an elephant was like. They each felt a part of the elephant and they experienced different things. Independently they thought the elephant was like a pillar, a rope, a tree trunk, a large hand fan, a solid pipe, and a wall. They argued and argued for their point of view. They didn't see the bigger picture. When we make excuses as to why we can't accomplish a goal or learn something new or change a habit, it is because we've become blinded by our limited perception. It is vital for us to remain open to possibilities we may have never considered. It's vital that we continue to learn, to grow, to practice, and to remain open to new ideas and thoughts instead of doggedly gripping onto our biases, judgments, and opinions. Sometimes it's a challenge to think new thoughts because we are so used to thinking the same way. Maybe we've lost the ability to imagine things as they 'could be' because we are busy looking at the way things are. These ideas are not new. How many times have you heard "change your thinking, change your life?" Or how about this quote from Napoleon Hill: "Whatever the mind of man (and woman) can conceive and believe, it can achieve." We've heard them. But do we believe them? I mean really believe them? And if we do believe them, do we act like we believe them? Or do we act and think the way we've always acted and thought? Do we stay in our comfort zone and turn a 'blind eye' and a 'deaf ear' to new ideas that may help us see ourselves in a new light? I was working with a client who refused to believe the consistent feedback she was getting from her co-workers and supervisors that she needed to improve her tone of voice, her helpfulness, and her attitude toward customers. She refused to believe those comments had any validity. She saw herself as being the best receptionist in the office. The idea that she needed to improve in any way was a huge blind spot for her. And it was negatively impacting her relationships with her co-workers. It took some time and patience but I was finally able to help her open her eyes to another point of view, while avoiding any shame, blame, or humiliation. She was able to see what her talents were and what skills needed to be upgraded. We all have blind spots in the way we think, believe, and perceive (even me!!). Our blind spots can be comfortable, but they can also block our forward momentum in living the rich, fulfilling, prosperous, successful, joy-filled, purpose-filled, vibrant life that is meant for us. Sometimes we just need some help in clearing our vision so we can make a course-correction and be open to those new possibilities. Contact me - maybe I can be that help. Click here to schedule a Breakthrough Session.  Call to Action: In the next 24 - 48 hours take some time and reflect on these questions that may indicate a blind spot:
About Janet
Janet is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients go from Overwhelm to Overjoyed, from Confusion to Clarity, and from Surviving to Thriving. Whether you want to grow your business or grow your self-esteem, Janet helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities. Janet can help you get the rapid results you are looking for. Does how we approach our mistakes or failures determine our future success? Sometimes when we’ve failed at something or made a mistake, we’d like a ‘do-over’ and make some corrections and start again. Other times, we don’t even want to acknowledge our mistake; maybe because it brings up shame or guilt. In those cases, we either try to blame someone else or we try and avoid thinking about it or even pretend it never happened. When we [mistakenly] believe that mistakes and failures are shameful and need to be avoided at all costs, we aren’t open to learning from them. Instead, we are likely to confuse ‘making a mistake’ with ‘being a mistake.’ Failure does not mean the loss of something. Failure occurs only if the loss of that thing takes our enthusiasm, our courage, our zest for life, our faith, our conviction, and our happiness from us. ~Ernest Holmes  We must not let any past mistakes or failures stop us from pursuing our goals and dreams! Is our self-confidence and belief in ourselves so delicate that it shatters in the face of having made a mistake? Mistakes are the primary opportunity to learn and grow. There is probably no invention that was perfect the first time. If we are learning to play baseball, do we expect to hit a ‘home run’ the first time at bat? And if we strike out, do we run into the dugout and refuse to pick up the bat again? Of course not. But we expect to be perfect in business and in our lives. It’s time re-think our ideas about what a mistake is. The word itself spells it out: it is a mis-take. Just do ‘take 2’ and ‘take 3’ and ‘take 4’ – like in the movies. Assess what went well and what small adjustment needs to be made. Any mistakes or failures have no bearing on who we are or what our value is. The fact that we are making mistakes is proof that we are making progress and moving forward. I have spoken to a number of clients who have tried something once. labeled the results as a failure, and refused to try anything similar again. On top of that, many blamed and criticized themselves and were convinced their ideas and choices in the future couldn't be trusted. Their self-confidence was shattered, their dreams seemed unattainable, and their momentum came to a standstill. All because of one failure. And according to the quote from Ernest Holmes above, that standstill is the failure; not the failure itself. In what areas are you afraid to move forward and try again? What mistakes have you made in the past that you are still holding yourself hostage for?
Instead of hiding and feeling ashamed, guilty, resentful, or frustrated, use these mistakes as fuel for self-understanding and reflection. Learn from them. Make tweaks and try again. If you’d like help in tweaking some of your ideas that didn’t work out in the past or to express your big desires and moving into your own genius, click here for a free Breakthough Session  CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours (Reflect or journal)
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to you! Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER! Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities. She serves business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind. |
About JanetJanet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence. 
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