To say that 2020 has been an unusual, challenging, or tough year would be an understatement. Little did I know when I was enjoying the musical “Chicago” on February 29, that my social calendar was going to take a 180 degree turn.
And I have to admit, I didn’t always take this change in plans with a grin and a shoulder shrug (at least not at first). After all, I had big plans for the summer: season tickets to see 15 minor league baseball games, season tickets for the Coeur d’Alene Summer Theater and the Coeur d’Alene Playhouse, tickets to see Tanya Tucker and ‘Grits and Glamor,’ a trip to Wyoming, and a trip to Arizona. All scrapped. Just like your plans, I imagine.
What ended up happening for me was that I used this ‘extra’ time (the time not spent at ballgames, plays, concerts, community events, etc.) on my business. And while that sounds like a good idea, I forgot one of my most important practices: self-care. You see, part of my self-care practice is going out to these various events where I can change my environment and decompress. I allow myself to get lost in the music and the enjoyment of the people, the scenery, and the scents. Instead, I was spending more and more time in front of my computer.
And by July, I was burned out. The very thing that used to enliven me and give legs to my purpose, felt draining and tiresome. It felt like W.O.R.K. So, I took some time off. No blogs, no content creation, no Facebook posts. I only continued to work with existing groups or clients. It was 4 months before I was ready to show up for my business (and in my business) again.
Lesson learned: I need more balance
But I did have some wins
f you want to be certain that you’ll never face a challenge or find yourself in a difficult or challenging situation, then it’s really important to have tame and realistic goals and dreams. Goals and dreams that you know you can achieve with minimal effort and hardship. Safe dreams. Comfortable goals.
However, if you want to have any degree of excitement and experience real growth in your life, then you’re going to have to make plans and set goals that other people might label as unrealistic.
These kind of goals often come with a high degree of risk (as well as sexiness and satisfaction – and who doesn’t want that, right?) You rarely know how you are going to achieve them until you get started. And more often than not, the result you achieve will not be exactly what you set out to do in the first place.
Chances are, the people you admire the most had some outlandish dreams and set some unrealistic goals. And they had the courage to take those first steps, keep the vision, and persevere despite challenges and set-backs.
I’ve found that many of us are so focused on goals, achievement, workaholism, being productive, getting a million things done, and being busy that taking care of ourselves isn’t on our priority list.
Maybe you’re really good at juggling all of the balls you have in the air but not so good at balancing the rest of your life. That’s where self-care (and self-reflection) comes in.
It’s easy to let self-care slip down the priority list. With the demands of a job, family, and friends, there’s not a lot of time or energy to devote to yourself. And before you know it, you’re stressed, exhausted, and maybe even sick. It’s time to take back control and schedule some self-care.
The good news is that self-care doesn’t need to be expensive holidays or massages or yoga retreats (although they do sound pretty good). Self-care be can simple, easy, and straightforward. In fact, the best self-care is the constant repetition of small acts of self-love and kindness. Doing small things every day is easy and effective. In fact, self-care is not a ‘one and done’ sort of thing; it isn’t something you put on your ‘to-do’ list just to check off and then be done with it.
Self-care can be tiny things you do for yourself every day (and no, they don’t need to be time-consuming or expensive). I have 20 simple and small ideas to get you started.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
Autumn is here!
For many people this is their favorite time of year. The warm days of summer begin to cool and the landscape turns gorgeous shades of orange and red. Admittedly, we don’t get much color change here in Sedona, so when I get to see an Aspen turning yellow or come across other fall colors, it makes it all the more sweet!
For me, autumn brings other things to mind as well. As the seasons change in seemingly dramatic ways, I like to reflect on my own changing seasons and the fall is a great time to do that.
Think of it this way: The trees are shedding what no longer serves them. They are letting go to make room for new growth in a few months. They don’t hang on ‘just in case’ they’ll need one or two of those leaves for something. They are shaking loose and setting themselves free (so to speak).
In the Jewish tradition, this is the time for Yom Kippur (Sept. 19 this year), Day of Atonement – and in New Thought/metaphysics we like to think of atonement as At-One-Ment. It’s hard to be ‘at one’ with the Divine when we are overloaded with limiting beliefs, holding onto grudges, or carrying shame. It’s hard to step into our full awesomeness and badass self when we are hiding out and playing it safe.
I’m ready to clear some stagnant energy. I’m ready to let go of the heaviness of judgement (of self and others). I’m ready to let go of those excuses that are music to my ears but death to my soaring dreams. I’m ready to recognize the ways I’ve missed the mark this year.
And on the other side of ‘letting go’ is embracing some new ideas and behaviors.
Are you ready, too?
“Don’t act like you are walking around with a Tshirt that says "I give Up!" on the front and on the back saying "I never started trying!"
I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t very good at trying new things.
Being a bit of a perfectionist (okay, okay - - more than a bit), I knew I probably wouldn’t be perfect the first time I tried something new, so I just didn’t do it. I thought I’d rather get better at what I’m already good at. That was just an excuse to stay small.
Food. If I hadn’t already tried it, I wasn’t interested. My reasoning was this: “If it tasted good, my mom would have already served it to me growing up. She didn’t, so it must not taste that good.” So, I was in my 20s before I tried avocados, artichokes, or Japanese food. And it took about a million ‘no’s’ before I finally said ‘yes.’ I missed out on some good food, right? Another excuse to stay small.
Sometimes trying something new doesn’t work out so well.
The first time I tried to snow ski (I was in my 30s) at Lake Tahoe, I fell every single time I got off the chair lift. Talk about embarrassing! ‘Lean forward’ the guy said and I really thought I was leaning forward but I was falling backwards, so that didn’t make sense. Then I heard these magic words: “Try to stand on your tip toes when you get off the chair lift.” That did the trick. Something I could understand. From then on, no more falling backwards. And I was off snowplowing down the hill.
And sometimes trying something new works out just fine.
“Every time I hear a woman say that she wants to "play big"—and I hear that a lot—it breaks my heart a bit. I know what she means, and yet...it implies that it's something she's trying on, rather than something that's inherently her's already...from birth. She was born—indeed I believe we ALL are—with a bright light.” ~ Lael Couper Jepson
A wonderful blog post appeared in my inbox today from Lael. It made me stand up (okay, not really stand up, since I read the entire thing while sitting in my office chair) and take notice. And rethink my thinking. And ponder the significance of what it means when I say I want to ‘play big’ and what it means when I write about it or talk about it.
Is this a subtle acknowledgment that we are small and we have to transform ourselves into something else so that we can ‘play big?’ Do we need a makeover of some kind? Or does it mean that we need to simply recognizing our true essence, which is already big?
When you say or when I say “I’m ready to play big” does that mean we want to start living unapologetically? Does it mean we want to acknowledge and appreciate our gifts and talents and ideas without worrying that other women will think we are ‘full of ourselves?’
Women tend to worry about being too bold, too audacious, and too confident as if that’s a bad thing.
"The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning." ~ Oprah Winfrey
Is there such a thing as ‘dream shaming?’
Throughout my life, I’ve been around big dreamers. I’d listen to their lofty plans, goals, and dreams and wonder why my own dreams didn’t match up with their big vision. And then this would lead me to ask myself, “What’s the matter with me?” (because that seems to be my standard go-to question).
And rarely did the big dreamer ever ask me about my dreams. Or even help me brainstorm something bigger and better for myself. In fact, I got the definite impression that these big dreamers were shaming me (silently, of course) for my lack of big dream focus.
It took me years to come to terms with accepting my own focus, my own sensibilities, and my own dreams without the self-criticism that would ordinarily accompany what I determined were my ‘small’ dreams.
My ‘small’ dreams revolved around being of service; around helping people to feel inspired and empowered; to assist them in finding comfort and peace when they were discouraged, fearful, or questioning; to guide them to uncover their own strength, courage, and brilliance; to support them during times of crisis; to educate them on the correct use of their mind and aligning with universal spiritual principles (just to name a few).
Would I like to speak in front of thousands? Of course! Would I love to facilitate sold-out workshops and seminars? You bet! Would I love to write a book that sells 1 million copies? That’d be awesome!
But even more important to me is connection and community. As Oprah says in the quote above, I’m interested in significance. And I want that one-to-one feedback that lets me know that I’m making a difference.
Standing ovations are great, but a personal testimonial is even better!
Last week I was at the Celebration of Fine Arts Festival in Scottsdale.
"I think we all strive to push ourselves, to overcome our struggles.
I may not make formal New Year’s resolutions, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find myself thinking about 2018 and what I want to accomplish, how I want to feel, what I want to do and experience, how I want to show up (for myself and others), and how I want to create more meaning and fulfillment in my life.
I find myself thinking [again] about what I want to stop doing. So, I took some time this past week to re-read some of my old journals that contained writing assignments from coaching programs I’ve taken over the past five or six years.
Imagine my horror when I see I am still dealing with many of the same issues!
I know you are eager to know what those issues are, right?
“The only straight line in Nature that I remember is
Have you ever felt stuck? Maybe you’ve read the books, poured over articles on the internet, or asked everyone you knew, “what’s next?” Maybe you know all about goal setting and affirmations, yet you find yourself repeating the same patterns or doubting you’ll ever reach your goals and dreams. Does any of that sound familiar?
Most of us want to get from Point A to Point B in a nice straight line. Forget about ‘life being a journey’ – we want to get to our destination! Yesterday! And when our journey toward living a fulfilling life is made up of twists and turns, ups and downs, and ins and outs, we feel like a failure.
I used to say that I enjoy ‘living in the mystery’ but I didn’t. I wanted answers and I wanted to know what was ahead and I wanted to know what to do.
Yes, I wanted the straight line approach.
Many years ago I was driving near Bakersfield, California and I was trapped driving in Tule Fog. Tule fog is thick ground fog and I couldn’t see more than 12 inches in front of me, even with my headlights on.
Since I could barely see, I had to move forward ever so slowly. And I had to focus only on the part of the road I could see. I was tense and scared. I didn’t know what obstacles might be only 13 inches away. When I finally moved through the fog, I breathed a huge sigh of relief that I was safe.
But you know what else? I felt a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I made it!
If you’re ready for your life to become amazing….
You're ready for a life of prosperity
If you’re ready to let go of struggle and worry and experience the joy of a life of flow and ease….
You're ready for a life of prosperity
There is a lot of confusion regarding prosperity.
Is prosperity about making money? Yes, and no. Is prosperity about rewarding relationships? Yes, and no. Is prosperity about experiencing success? Yes, and no. Is prosperity about vibrant health? Yes, and no. Prosperity is about all of those things, and more.
Everything about this website and everything I teach, write, and record is meant to help you in reconnecting to you dreams, your self-worth, and your value. Everything I teach, write, and record is to help you reclaim your personal power so that you can rise above limiting thinking and embrace a life of magnificence and brilliance.
True prosperity is an approach to experiencing life where you can re-align with your dreams, uncover your passion, rediscover your talents, skills, and gifts, and tune into your value.
One of my favorite definitions of Prosperity is from Unity minister, Edwene Gaines.
If you need tools to help you recognize your goals, your passion, or your dreams….
If you need guidance on identifying your core beliefs that have allowed you to stay in your comfort zone….
If you have a feeling you need to take the journey within and are terrified at what you'll discover...
You are in the right place
Ask yourself – “Have I given away my power by:”
Whether you are looking to improve your personal relationships, find passion in your life, improve your financial situation, achieve a greater level of success in your work, improve the quality and vitality of your health, or really get to a place of love and acceptance with your body, I can offer guidance, action steps, tools, and techniques in all of these areas.
Believing in you and your possibilities.
Janet is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients go from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed, from Confusion to Clarity, and from Settling to Unstoppable. Whether you want to grow your business or grow your self-esteem, Janet helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities. Janet can help you get the rapid results you are looking for.
Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.