Rebel With a Cause

"When the first big paycheck with 'Dumb And Dumber' hit, I went: 'Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?' But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe."
               ~ Jim Carrey

I’ve always felt different. Like an outsider. I didn’t want to be different or be an outsider. I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit it. I wanted to feel ‘normal.’ So I learned to fake being normal. I was sort of like a shape-shifter and I’d shape myself into what I thought was required or acceptable.
 
Along the way I got to sample a variety of experiences and values and ideas and groups. But I wasn’t able to identify the one experience or value or idea or group that fit. Of course, this made me shape-shift even more.
 
I decorated and re-decorated my ‘good box’ (you know, that ‘box’ that would allow me to fit in and be accepted, valued, and loved). And I never got it decorated quite right.
 
I was absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me. I had a longing to go deeper that scared people away. In fact, my own depth scared me away from myself as well.
 
But here’s what happened from my shape-shifting encounters:

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