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Number One Enemy of Success

9/22/2016

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What if this doesn't work?

Have you ever had an idea that got you excited? Have you wanted to combine your passion with your talent and take it to the world in some way? Maybe you plan and research; maybe you talk to your friends; maybe you even come up with a really cool name. And then it happens. The question: What if it doesn’t work? Somehow we forget to ask, “What if it DOES work?”
 
And let’s be honest for a minute. What if it doesn’t work? So what? It’s not the end of the world. But our rabid self talk will let us think it is absolutely the end of the world. We would be hard-pressed to find anyone who started something that worked every time.
 
We’ve all started relationships and seen them fail. We’ve been gung ho about a hobby only to let it go after years (or sometimes less). We’ve started new jobs, new hobbies, and new ways of eating. And sometimes we’ve stopped.
 
Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we didn’t have confidence? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we lost interest? Did we stop because it didn’t work or because we found something else we liked better?
 
We get afraid when all we focus on is the outcome.
 
We get stuck in either/or thinking. Either I’m a millionaire or I’m not successful. Either I have a thriving business or I’m not successful. Either I’m a best-selling author or I’m not successful. Either I lose all the weight I need to or I’m not successful. Feel free to replace ‘I’m not successful’ with ‘I’m a failure’ or ‘I’m a loser’ (or your own personal favorite).

"You're not worthwhile because you have fulfilled your dreams. You're worthwhile because you exist. You're not enough because you have a good job. You're enough even if you haven't worked in thirteen years. You're not enough because you are loved by many people. You're enough even if nobody knows your name. You're not enough because your financial portfolio is enviable. You're enough even if you're dead broke. And becoming more successful doesn't make you enough, either. It only changes your experience. It doesn't change you." ~ Dr. David Walker
​I’m good at starting things.

I’ve started two churches, a Brownie Girl Scout Troop, three LLC businesses, a C-Corporation, a coaching business, and a real estate investing business. And I’ve fallen prey to the either/or mentality. Either these businesses and ideas succeeded or there was something wrong with me.
When I focused only on the outcome, all I saw were my flaws. I only saw all the ways I wasn’t good enough. I saw the ways my ideas failed to take hold. I saw all of my time and energy wasted on pipe dreams.

I never saw that I was a visionary. I never saw my confidence, strength, or courage.

Where do you need help spotting your gifts, strengths, and courage?

                                                             
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours
  • Keep a journal of small actions (yes, small) you can take daily and track when completed.
    • Example 1: “Today, I’m going to listen to a TED Talk that inspires me.” When you complete it, come back to your journal, and write “Success.”
    • Example 2: “Today, I’m going to compliment three people” and when you complete it, come back to your journal, and write, “Success.”
  • For extra credit, list the activities in your journal that you started but didn’t turn out so well that you might still be telling negative stories about. Behind each of these, list what awesome quality was needed for you to even begin (confidence, courage, faith, compassion, trust, vision, etc.)
 
When you review your journal, all you see are the various ways that you are a success.
 
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to the success that you are.
 
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!

Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session



About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Janet also works with business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.
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Focus Backwards

9/15/2016

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Comparison is a dream killer.
 
Not only that, but comparison is a thief of joy and steals momentum.
 
We think we need to be an expert before we get started. We think we need a lot of experience before we get started. We look around at others who are following their dream, making an impact, or living fully and when we compare ourselves with them, we may feel diminished, frustrated, and lacking confidence.
 

And it is hard to find your joy or get started when you feel diminished, frustrated, or full of self-doubt.

“If everyone waited to become an expert before starting, no would become an expert. To become an expert, you must have experience. To get experience, you must experiment." ~ Richie Norton
We gather evidence about the gap between where we are and where we want to be, and find ourselves lacking:
  • We listen to TED Talks (they are so smart)
  • We subscribe to blogs (they sure know their stuff)
  • We take classes and seminars (another class and I’ll be ready)
  • We offer our services for free (how can I charge when I’m not an expert)
  • We look at Facebook and see all the accomplishments of others (facebook envy, anyone?) 
What if we just needed to shift our focus?

Years ago I was in a bowling tournament. I was a good bowler and was in two ‘scratch’ leagues (no handicap) and one mixed handicap league. I had two bowling balls: one for my first throw and the other one was for picking up my spare. So, when a teammate suggested entering the tournament I had the confidence to say ‘yes.’

 
But when I saw the hundred other people in the tournament, I quickly lost my edge. I was far behind the leader and noticed everyone who passed me in the standings: some were much older than me and some were much younger. I began to think I was a lousy bowler and a fraud.
 
But then I started to wonder how many people were behind me, doing their best and not bowling as well as I was. I began to wonder if those people were struggling even more than I was. I began to wonder if they were thinking the same sort of defeating thoughts that I was (or maybe even more so).
 
And I began to wonder if those behind me were looking ahead to me and wishing they could even be where I was in the standings. What a shift in my attitude and mindset that made for me. From shifting my focus to those ahead of me to those behind me. And I began to relax and enjoy myself. I began to appreciate my courage to sign up for the tournament. I began to acknowledge that I was ‘dressing up and showing up’ and re-defined my idea of success.
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Where do you need to shift your focus?
 
What if those people who are behind you need your special blend and brand of expertise? Can you see how far you’ve come already? How can you begin to implement some of the ideas that are busting to come out? What if all of the degrees, diplomas, certificates don’t equal expertise? What if they just equal education? What if expertise comes after you take action? Are you willing to experiment?

If you’d like help in shifting your focus, click here for a free Breakthough Session.                                                                                                                                    
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours
  • List some of your existing skills that you take for granted. Are you an incredible listener? Are you an amazing story teller? Are you skillful at resolving conflict? Are you organized and detailed? Are you a superb cook? Is it easy for you to explain the complex and make it simple? So often we don’t see our own super powers because they come naturally to us.
  • If you don’t see your existing skills, ask those close to you - family, friends, and colleagues – “What am I really good at?”
  • Begin to acknowledge that you are an expert in these things. Even better, begin to experiment in ways to display this expertise. How can others benefit from this? To put it another way: take imperfect action.
 
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to a greater idea of you.
 
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!
 
Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session
​ 
Until next time

Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!
​

About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Janet also works with business owners and helps them make a bigger impact by reconnecting with their vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X their business without selling their soul or losing their mind.
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From Numbness to Awesomeness

9/8/2016

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When I am numb, it’s nearly impossible to be motivated or to succeed.
 
The trouble is that I was numb for most of my life. I was numb to my real feelings of anger, frustration, resentment, self-doubt, fear, shame, and guilt. I was told over and over again that those feelings were wrong and I needed to overcome them. But no one taught me how to overcome them. So I did what I knew how to do: I shoved them down, I buried them, and I pretended they didn’t exist. And I ate.
 
And yet, the few times that my full feelings were unleashed, I felt alive and powerful (even though I felt wrong and guilty about that). And it was scary.
 
And talking about those feelings is not the same as feeling them.
 
Being numb to my feelings kept me in a prison of safety. I stayed in an empty, unfulfilling, and emotionally abusive marriage for 23 years. I stayed in an unfulfilling and soul-killing job for 25 years. I stayed in my cocoon of being proper when I wanted to fly and soar and create and dance.
 
I became a master at settling. I settled for crumbs when I wanted the feast. I settled for numb when I wanted exhilaration. I settled for isolation when I wanted involvement. I settled for comfortable when I wanted purpose.

Paolo Coelho told Oprah he was put into a mental hospital by his parents for wanting to be a writer. I loved his response when Oprah said that people tell her "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life"
 
"They know. It's very difficult, Oprah to accept that you know what you are supposed to be doing when you are not doing it. Because from the moment that you know, you either have to leave a lot of things behind or live aware that you are not fully treasuring the miracle of being alive" - Paolo Coelho
I left my life behind. And I’ve finally gone back and claimed it.
 
Why do we love ideas like this: "Experience. Dream. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments……."? Because those ideas rekindle our feelings! They move us out of thinking, analyzing, or rationalizing and allow us to dance with daring and flirt with freedom.
 
Have you left your life behind? Are you settling? Are you beating yourself up because you call yourself lazy or not motivated? Are you tired of settling? Maybe you are just numb.
 
                                                                                                                            
CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours
  • List 4 – 6 habits or obstacles that are preventing you from either a) accomplishing your dreams or b) taking the next step to move away from being numb.
  • Once you have your list, ask yourself, “Is this habit or obstacle worth exchanging my dream for?”
  • Then ask yourself, “Am I willing to leave this behind?”
 
It’s time to say ‘yes’ to a greater idea of you.
 
Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!
 
Click Here to schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session
​
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Hiding our Feelings

9/1/2016

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I’m a master at hiding my feelings. Are you?
 

Of course I’m referring those feelings that society tells us are negative or bad: anger, resentment, jealousy, pride, shame, guilt, selfishness, and sadness. The problem with hiding those feelings is that ALL feelings get diminished as well, even joy, exhilaration, excitement, appreciation, gratitude, and love.
 
I was living life in neutral.
 
Yeah, I was good at ‘faking’ happiness and joy, but I could feel that something was missing. The sheer bliss and abandonment that I wanted to express was always held in check. And for someone (me) who wants to ‘belong’ or ‘fit in,’ I was setting myself apart from everyone because I couldn’t afford for anyone to notice that I was always in neutral.

​“I'm here to help you take risks. If you don't believe that I can see you and know who you are then don't hire me. I'm not here to fight with you about who you are. I'm here to call you forth and out of the shadows.
 
If you aren't ready to be loved fiercely I am not the person for you to work with.
 
Remember there is no safe place to take a risk. Why do you want to contain any part of yourself? Why are we trying to contain our beauty, grief, rage, gifts or any part of us?”  ~ Denise Dee
When I read those words, all of the parts of me that I’ve been hiding and containing for years start crackling with excitement and hope that finally, someone will ‘get me’ and I can come out of hiding and show up in my full brilliance and glory – warts and all!
 
Actually, I have worked with Denise as a coach and mentor and she continues to challenge me to become more authentic, more raw, more real, and more vulnerable. She shows me that what I thought were weaknesses that needed to be hidden are my sources of strength and beauty.
 
It feels scary to come out of the shadows and be seen.
 
But we need to do it anyway. We need to be our authentic selves to show up with our talents and gifts. We need to let our ideas and truth be known if we are going to make an impact. Following the crowd and hiding our soul can no longer be an option.
 
For me, I’m stepping into my strengths: listening, asking questions, and being perceptive. And I’m acknowledging my gifts of intuition and healing to make a bigger impact with those I work with. And it might not sound like much just reading it in this in this article, but for me, it is a HUGE risk (uncomfortable) to even speak about my talents and gifts.
 

I do not want to contain any part of myself any longer. Do you?

If you’d like help in coming out of hiding, click here for a free Breakthough Session
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CALL TO ACTION: In the next 24 – 48 hours
  • Think of one or two areas where you’ve wanted to speak out but held your tongue for the sake of peace or being afraid you might be misunderstood. What were you really afraid of? How did this make you feel?
  • Now imagine you are a super-hero with all of the strength, confidence, well-being, intelligence, and security you could want. How would you as that super-hero you respond to the same situation? Would you need to defend yourself? Would you have any resistance stepping into your power?
  • For a moment, experience that feeling. Bask in that feeling. Relish and enjoy that feeling.
 
We are so much more than we think. Isn’t that amazing?
​

Would you like to get crystal clear on what you want to embrace in your life and describe the kind of lifestyle you want to create? Would you like support in discovering how you can use your special gifts and talents to make a difference? Would you like to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging you? Let’s have a Breakthrough session and we'll finish the call with you feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to start your Best Life EVER!



About Janet
Janet Kingsley helps people believe in their own potential and transform their dreams into fulfilling, inspired, and prosperous realities.

Business Owners: Make a bigger impact by reconnecting with your vision and passion and double, triple, or 10X your business without selling your soul or losing your mind.
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    About Janet

    Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.

    If you are ready to overcome self-sabotage and reclaim your badass mojo, Janet can help you get the rapid results you are looking for.

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Mindset Strategist and Trailblazer, Janet Kingsley, works with women who are ready to crush their excuses so they can design an authentic and meaningful life - - because most are settling, people-pleasing, and feel like a fraud. She helps them amplify their impact, boost their self-confidence, and connect to their purpose in a fun and inspiring way…every time!
 
Bottom Line: they powerfully create a joyful, juicy life that reflects the deepest part of who they are and why they are here while igniting their unique brilliance and passion. In other words, they are on purpose and on fire.

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  • Home
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