Okay, that headline got your attention, right? We all seem to want that “magic bullet” or the 3 Simple Steps to Success or the 4 Laws of Prosperity. Maybe we’d even accept a 7-step process. What if it was 149 steps? Would we be interested? What if I told you it was hard? How would you feel? Or maybe you already think it’s hard to be a success or to be happy or to actually live the life you dream about. After all, we all have bills to pay, right?
When I look back at all of the classes, seminars, workshops, summits, and intensives I’ve spent time and money on where I was looking for the quick fix and the secret to making all of my dreams come true, I have to laugh at myself.
You see, neither my mindset nor my belief system ever changed in the course of a weekend or an all-day event. Well, it didn't change permanently in any case. And so the “magic bullet” and the quick fix eluded me. Undaunted, I still continued to look and long and yearn.
And I took action; lots of action. If there were steps, I took them. I was an attentive and obedient student. And I had success, but it wasn’t the long-term success I was looking for. It’s sort of like a diet where through sheer willpower you reduce your calorie or carbohydrate intake and voila – weight loss occurs. But, the calories and carbohydrates come back and what happens? Our success is reversed and we gain back the weight.
So, we trick our mind and not use the word “diet” and we adopt a healthy lifestyle and we make conscious choices and if we forget, we accept it and then continue with healthy choices. Simple, right?
Well, the same ideas can be applied to our success thinking. Maybe we have to trick our minds.
Take a moment and think of two goals or dreams you might have (or had). Choose one that you consider easily attainable and the other one you simply don’t know how you could ever achieve. An attainable goal could be buying something expensive even if you don’t have the money right now or learning how to speak another language. And the hard goal could be something like becoming a millionaire or quitting your job and following your passion and dream.
Do you have those two goals in your mind? Good.
You see, our own belief system informs us which goals are reasonable. And if they seem reasonable, we’ll take the steps necessary to accomplish them. We KNOW we can do it. Maybe we've done something similar before, we can see it being attainable, we can feel it being attainable, and we can sense it being attainable. Our mind doesn't argue with us (well, at least not too much anyway).
But the other goal? OMG, it’s just too hard. We don’t know how to do it. We want it, but we don’t really see it happening. After all, we've wanted it for a long time and we've not achieved it. It becomes a pipe dream or maybe we stop dreaming about it altogether. And then we settle for only small successes, but deep down we know we are settling and there is something ‘out there’ that we really, really want but are afraid to name it and claim it.
Because is just too hard. Because we think it too hard.
You’ve heard this a million times, and now you are going to hear it a million and ONE times: our beliefs get in our way; our beliefs complicate things.
We’ve all had success in life. Maybe we graduated from college or got a good grade on a test or learned to play an instrument or improved our relationship. How did we do it? One step at a time, of course! Maybe we had confidence in our ability to achieve and accomplish this. Maybe we were focused or determined. Maybe we had faith or passion. Maybe we had vision and clarity of purpose. Whatever it was, we had it and we accomplished it.
We already know how to be successful and we've had practice.
No “magic bullet” needed. No more workshops, seminars, intensives, or summits.
Quite simply, it is our belief system, our mindset, which gets in the way. It isn’t the process that prevents us from being wildly successful or pursuing our scary goals and big visions. We need to remember that it isn't as hard as we think and then take some consistent action. And not just one action and then give up.
How many of us (either now or in the past) have woken up every single morning and went to a job we didn't like, just to get that paycheck? Now, that’s hard and we do (or did) it. We take consistent action of setting the alarm clock, pouring our coffee, getting in the car, and driving into that J.O.B. Easy peasy (but maybe it is killing our soul, so that’s not so easy peasy after all).
Taking consistent action is the easy part. We are masters at that. Now, let’s combine that consistent action with a new belief that engages our spirit and moves us into an idea that nothing is too hard to achieve; if we can think it, we can achieve it (oops, I think I just gave you the ‘magic bullet’).
And sometimes we need help to start or to stay consistent. That’s okay too. We are forming new habits and patterns. Get a mentor or a trusted adviser. Get a coach or a MasterMind group. Help is usually just a phone call or an email away.
Do yourself a favor, take some action; be open to changing the way you think about things. You might be amazed at the results you get.
Until next time,
Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!
Janet, you are so sensitive!
I used to hear that from my mom and when she said it, I just knew it was a bad thing. And so, like a good girl, I became less and less sensitive. Of course, I didn't bother to ask what she meant by being sensitive. I thought she meant my feelings got hurt easily. I don’t remember if my feelings did get hurt easily. Maybe.
I do remember I put my whole heart into my friendships and I got used a lot. I wasn't able to distinguish a real friend from someone who wanted information or who wanted to borrow my yearbook (only to cut out pictures of their new-found love that went to my Jr. High School) or if I would be tossed aside for the next best friend.
Yeah, so maybe my feelings did get hurt. But at least I had feelings.
And through the years, I became less and less sensitive. I viewed being sensitive as a flaw and a fault. It was something to be denied and contained. I never questioned that. And I became very good at blocking and burying my feelings.
The problem is, it wasn't just my sensitivity that got buried, it was also my joy. .
And I thought I was a master at hiding this part of who I was. But there are people in our lives that see through the carefully sculpted veneer. I thought I was so clever and then a good friend of mine said these words the week before I moved to Arizona:
Janet, you are a delicate flower!
Wham! Double wham! Well, I got on my ‘high horse’ and denied this completely. Wasn't being a ‘delicate flower’ the same as being sensitive? I didn't want my friend to go into details as I was vehemently denying her statement. And her statement has stuck with me for the past eight years.
Her statement cut to the core of me. And it frightened me.
You see, it wasn't safe to be delicate or vulnerable or sensitive in my 25-year marriage. So, in my mind, being a ‘delicate flower’ was something that needed to be eradicated once and for all!
But this idea never went away. I began to think about what it might mean to be a ‘delicate flower’ or to be ‘sensitive.’ And maybe it didn't mean that my feelings got hurt easily at all. Maybe it means that I feel things deeply; that I am compassionate, and empathetic. Maybe it means that beyond the exterior I present to the world, my heart is wide open.
And then a few months ago, I was a guest speaker at a women’s retreat and one of the other presenters was a well-known astrologer. She was engaging and funny. And she put us into groups based on our astrological chart and then she said it.
I was in the group of sensitive souls; I was in the group of healers.
And not only did she say this was most definitely NOT a flaw, but this is our strength, our talent, and our gift. Wham! Double Wham!
So let me ask you these questions:
When I have allowed this particular piece of my personality to show itself (my sensitivity), magic happens. And I’ll be honest, it has frightened me. And since I have declared 2015 my year to show up, I’m also declaring that I’m allowing all of myself to show up. Delicate flower and all!
So, let’s get to the beautiful core of who you are that you might have buried. Get a piece of paper and just start writing: I am _____________. Fill in the blank. See if you can find 50 - 100 things. Oh, you’ll likely start with the roles you play, like I am a father, I am a mother, I am a friend, I am (occupation), I am (name).
And then maybe you’ll move onto your feelings, like I am frustrated, I am sad, I am happy, I am hopeful, I am tired.
And then maybe you’ll move onto ideas you have about yourself, like I am successful, I am a failure, I am independent, I am working my way to the top.
When you have finished, take your list and see which of these statements you over-identify with. And see which ones you want to avoid and deny. If you don't have any you are uncomfortable with, your are either far along the path to enlightenment or you need to write some more statements and be honest with yourself.
And for these, dig deep and see if this is actually your strength, talent, or gift that has been buried so you could fit in.
I’d be interested to hear what you come up with. Feel free to comment below.
Until next time,
Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!
It seemed 2014 was a year of living life in neutral for me. And yet, here are a few highlights of my year:
When I look at this list, it seems like my life was not in neutral (maybe in low gear) – and yet inside, I felt like I was still hiding out. A few things were causing me to stretch and grow, but most of my activities were comfortable.
Why am I sharing this with you? First, I have declared 2015 as my year to “show up.” And by “show up” I mean not only show up for things physically, but show up emotionally as well. And second, I realized that I wasn’t exactly living 2014 in neutral; I was moving from contentment to discovery; I was opening up to more and more good in the form of money, time, and opportunities.
This opening up or expansion (and growth) showed up for me in my role as minister and spiritual director and my role as a Clinical Research Specialist. And it even showed up for me in my role as coach and mentor, although not in the way I would have expected.
I hardly noticed because my growth and expansion happened with ease. There was no drama, struggle, pain, confrontation, or gnashing of teeth. There was simply a willingness to change (for the most part) within me. And I mistook that as living life in neutral. Silly me.
One of my greatest areas of expansion and growth was my willingness to integrate all of me. That means being willing to look at the parts I want to hide; the parts of me I judge as not being ‘spiritual’ or ‘nice’ or ‘positive.’ It was okay for me to be sad and petty and jealous and envious. And, oh yeah, angry. That’s a biggie!
As I've changed, the clients I’m attracting have changed (what a shocker!). How many of us have used our spiritual ideas to hide and bury our feelings? In New Thought we can’t allow ourselves the luxury of a negative thought (and I even say that on Sunday morning!); we bury ourselves in affirmations and visualization; we turn the other cheek and say things like “it’s happening for my highest good” when we don’t really believe that. We need to eradicate our limiting beliefs so we can move forward in the direction of our dreams (I say on Sunday mornings, too!).
We think our fear, negativity, reluctance, anger, frustration, and lack are flaws and faults we have and we must not let anyone see them.
Not even ourselves.
I love New Thought and I’m going to keep on saying those things on Sunday mornings. And there is a whole lot more. I think the problem is less about our perceived flaws and faults and more about how we identify with them. We think that type of thinking makes us less valuable, less spiritual, less worthy, and less enlightened. And yet, they are only thoughts and ideas. This is not who we are. When we embrace all of ourselves, accept all of ourselves, and move toward loving all of ourselves, possibilities blossom.
I hope you’ll join me this year. Maybe via email coaching, on some one-on-one coaching, through my blog and newsletter, and I’m going to be introducing some ‘rapid reminder’ phone calls this year. These calls will be 30 – 45 minutes long and the investment will be $7 or $9 per call.
Check out my free eBooks on prosperity and as I find more, I’ll add them. I’m also going to be adding some healthy recipes, believe it or not.
Until next time,
Have some fun, stay aware, and rock on!
P.S. Don’t forget about my new program, 5 for 5. I’m going to be coaching five people for five months for FREE. This starts in March. Read about it here and email me so I can get you a questionnaire.
Janet Kingsley is an effective 'Belief Change Expert' who helps clients transform frustration to focus, confusion to clarity, and self-doubt to self-confidence.